Home Is Where The Heart Is - Knowing With Out Knowing:

[Role Play Excerpt- Character Analysis - T]

Disclaimer: I do not own the character Astra, he belongs to my RPing partner.

Hazy Spell

I cross to him and reach out, patting him on the head. "I am your friend, ya know. I'm not scared of you... Regardless of whether or not I remember these interactions with out a haze..." I laugh at this and smile widely. "... But Mother did say it was for the best. So... Where do you want me, Astra? I am yours to command at the moment."

The clawing is a lot weaker when its the side of me that doesn't understand, nails don't hurt like claws do. I'm glad to be free for once... Then again. This can only really mean one thing... Although I can't remember what it is, I was still a cub when father and mother were still together, when the strange uncle came for a visit, when my mother had cried and begged and made a deal. I'm not meant to exist, I shouldn't know these things. But Mother speaks to me while I'm asleep because then its okay, she isn't breaking the contract right? And when I'm gone she will have Father back. She explained these things to me. But I don't always remember because I'm not supposed to.

But this bearer wakes me up. Drags free the paws from their shackles, frees the hidden spirit, he makes me free like I pretend to be normally. He doesn't realize it, does he? Or maybe he does? He doesn't react to others the way he does me. And I take pride in this. He is MINE after all. My little bearer, mine to hold, mine to protect. And when I figure it out, all of it. Who and what I am, what is going on at home for both him and I, I am never going to let him leave me again. I won't let him be hurt again, not like he has been...

Honestly. I may not know it. But I know him already, on a deeper level than I'll ever know anyone ever again. He is what I've been searching for. He's my way out. And I want out. I want out. I want him out. I want him free too.

I purr to myself, this is what it feels like to be me. This is what it means to be free. This is what it means to not be caged. And I am so happy it was him who made me wake up, his scent, his movements, his voice, his eyes, his everything. It makes me feel wide awake. And... And... I never want to be in that haze again. But I know I will be the moment we start fighting, the moment the... the... the spell kicks in again. But, for a moment, I am okay being me... I just wish I could be all of me...