WARNINGS: This piece involves implied abuse, suggested rape, adult themes, harsh language, and possible triggers. You have been warned, read at your own risk!
Disclaimer: I do not own the character Kevynn nor his parents, they belong to my RPing partner.
Will and William
I sip at the water, shaking my head. Somewhere inside me I decide he doesn't get it. He could never get it... If he did he wouldn't of dragged me away from Kevynn so quickly. I know he's nice, I know he's a good person, but if he got it he wouldn't of taken me away from the person I felt safe with... If he got it he wouldn't be insisting I sleep in the guest room... If he got it he would of taken me home so things wouldn't be worse when I went back...
If he got it...
He wouldn't of told me he got it. No one gets it. Not the way I do because... No one has my experiences. No one will ever get it, no matter how much I explain it, no matter how many times I could sing it or write it or draw it... No one will get it the way I do. You can experience something similar. But you don't understand just because of that.
And that certainly doesn't make me trust you anymore.
I'm not confused anymore. I know what I want and I know, as a person who's gone from the frying pan and into the fire, where I don't want to be... And its here. As safe and kind as they try to come a crossed... its just that, trying... Way too hard...
So I slowly drink the water, watching Kevynn's Mom's movements carefully. An evil you know you can react just fine too... But... An evil you don't know...? That's the truly terrifying thing. If I was in his shoes I wouldn't of freaked out, I would of continued what I was doing calmly, I wouldn't of assumed anything was wrong, I would of questioned my son on his mood and allowed him to come into the house... I wouldn't of charged over and scared both of the boys I was trying to help...
I wouldn't draw attention to the cowering one until I saw him relaxing. I wouldn't separate them unless it looked like my son was hurting the other, I can't know if its okay to even look at the other. I would address the hardships I can related to and understand, the child I raised to have a better life than I ever have had.
But who am I to question an adult? Out loud, never. Alone in my head? Sure. No one can get to me in here, especially not people who don't know me well enough to reach my expressions and body language. One glass of wine can kill pain, it can make me tipsy and more agreeable. But fear burns through alcohol like an actual fire.
I finish my glass and walk over to the sink, turn on the water to a warm-cool and reach for the hand soap. Then I carefully wash out the dish with the water and soap. It takes some time and I finally rinse it out the last time I lift it up and hold it upside down over the sink to let some of the excess water drip out. I look over at Kevynn's Mom, raising my head as I set the cup on the counter with the top down, "You don't understand. I wasn't panicking behind Master Kevynn until you came over and provoked him... I trust him, even if he were to raise a hand to me I would still trust him, I don't trust you..." And I turn, leaning against the counter, letting my gaze level on the man with a strength I normally don't gather up but I feel a serenity washing over me as I talk. "If you got it we wouldn't be alone here. You wouldn't be separating us... If he got it he wouldn't make it all about him, he wouldn't panic when I submit to him, he would accept me as I am... I tried to tell him as much already, but, people only hear what they want to..."
Warmth prickles at the corner of my eyes, water makes my vision blur but I hold my gaze level, "Nodding is a step forward to you and maybe it is, but I don't need your help. I really don't... I... I was scared because Kevynn almost woke up my Uncle and he brought me back here. He took me to a place he thinks is safe, but I've never felt more fear for someone right off the bat than when I met your husband, he's terrifying and I don't even know why. I... I... Living like I have, and maybe you can relate to this or maybe not, you pick up a sense for danger... Even you are setting off that danger sensor. And that's making me scared, more so than when Kevynn is angry... I can... I can... As long as he doesn't scream at me I can handle Master Kevynn, okay? Just..." I take a shaky, small breath, trying to keep the fear from taking control again. But I fail and I shift over to a corner, sliding down slowly. "... Leave me along, okay...?" With my sides pressed into the cabinets I feel the fear settling into something I can handle...
I wish I didn't leave my head phones and MP3 player back at home...
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